Okay. Tomorrow is going to be a new week. I'm going to this quit smoking clinic, I'm going to be focused on my revision, I'm not going to let my insecurities dominate me... I'm not going to be paranoid or crappy... I'm not going to let this control me. I'm going to be happy. If I continue to feel suicidal and depressed I will go to the doctors despite being terrified. I will suffer the consequences of this. I need to put my health first. I'm fed up of being dominated by this constant feeling of apathy and sadness to the extent where I feel like I have this massive burden on my chest constantly restricting it, controlling my every thought.
I want a new me. A nice me. A positive, happy, studious, life-wanting, future-grabbing, un-calorie-caring, loving Sophie.
I can do this.
People die. People die all of the time. From unexpected, uncontrollable things. People die because they choose to protect others over themselves. People die in war, in the emergency services. I will not spend my life being controlled by my own negativity and insecurities.
I want to be a different person.
