Second post in about an hour, but apparently sitting watching friends is letting my brain go doolally, and I'm thinking too much, but I seem to be identifying what is getting me down so much.

I feel lost... Which is hard to explain, but I think if I can get it out and talk about it, it might make me feel a bit better, because at the moment it seems like something is eating me from the inside.

When I say lost, I think I mean aimless, or without any real goal. Everything in my life it seems is just stagnant and not really going anywhere...

Firstly with university, I don't seem to be moving anywhere, and as I'm not learning anything new and just revising it feels all about unattainable because it feels like I've got so much to do in such a short period of time and it's all a bit overwhelming. This one is reasonably easy to sort out because as soon as I've had a decent night's sleep I'll start hitting it and I'll begin to feel better.

Secondly with HFC, I have all of these great things going on at university, and all of these great things I want to do, but being able to talk to H seems to be impossible, and she always seems to go offline whenever I say hey, and I feel like I'm pushing an elephant up the stairs and don't know where I'm going, and why I even bother.

With Ian, it's not even stagnant, it feels like we're moving backwards, and I'm sure for the most part it is my insecurities rather than any faults on his behalf, but I am still a woman, and it depresses me at the thought that I'll never get married, or have children. I also just can't see any way out of it, because I have no proof that he's cheating on me, or anything untoward, but I also can't see how I can alleviate my fears and insecurities, and there's no way I can talk to him about it either, especially about how I'm feeling generally, so it just seems to be a vicious circle and I'm pretty sure I'm not even making any sense anymore, but I'm beginning to feel a bit better knowing that I can at least begin to rationalise it in my head.