Why is it that everything I touch turns to shit? Ian says I'm being 'emo'... I think I'm being realistic. I can't seem to do anything fucking well right, and I spent the whole car journey home last night shouting at myself that I want to die. I really fucking well do. I can't see any form of bright light. All I can see is this life, and it's not going anywhere, and it's just going to continue to be shit because I'm in it. I was tempted to run away last night; stop fucking up everything in everyone's life, including Ian's.

I keep going over and over it in my head. I did everything I should have done. I saw him behind me. I waited for him to move. I could no longer see his lights. I reversed and bang there he was. I don't know what else I could have done. I just fucking fucking fucking hate my life. Everytime I seem to be able to sort things in my head; convince myself that I'm being paranoid over Ian, sort out a game plan for school work, start to get work sorted... it all goes tits up.

At this moment in time, I genuinely do not want to live.